Tuesday 9/23/08

BC came over last night.

I can't and couldn't fuck her. The newness has definitely worn off for sure, and little things here and there just turns me off about her. So I just told her to give me a blow job. After I was done, she asked me what's wrong. I wanted to say "stress, work, blah blah" but I've said that one too many times and I'm sure she's heard that one too many times, so I just told her what was on top of my head, was that the smell of her sweat. I know she takes a shower before she comes over, but she breaks a sweat I think from sucking my dick, and honestly, the smell of her sweat turns me off. (I would like to add that not all girl's sweat turn me off.)

probably not the smartest thing and definitely a poor choice of words.

she storms out of my house... we'll see what happens today..

Monday 9/15/08

BC wanted to come over last night, but I just wasn't in the mood. It might have helped, but I didn't want to stress of having to perform.

So I dreamt about her last night.

Saw the coaster she snuck in my pocket this morning, made me want to cry. (lol. j/k), threw it out. retarded, I know.

Hope she replies.

Saturday 9/13/08

Spent much of today keeping busy, trying to get my mind off of B, had run some errands, watch some football, whatever.

Went out to Bar/Club5, kind of didn't want to go, but I thought it might help to get my mind off of B. Met my friends in line,

While texting, S2 called, so I accidentally picked up (didn't recognize who it was since I deleted her number) but she wanted to come out too. I didn't want to hang out with her, but told her to come anyways. But my the time she decided to, it was too late.. too bad.. :)

we were IN LINE for about an hour, then I called it quits, gay.

Friday 9/12/08

I'm heartbroken. This whole weekend I have not been able to stop thinking about her. Dreamt about her last night. I feel the same anxiety as when I went through my divorce. Have not been able to sleep and eat, my mind a little out of it, can't focus. Her name is B, she is best friends with my friend J. I saw B for the first time a couple of months back, but I did not talk to her, she was hot, seemed a little snobby plus she was with her boyfriend, and that was that. On Friday, J said her B are going out for girls night out, and asked if me and my friend Q wanted to go, wasn't thinking about going, but ended up going.

She is about everything I'm looking for in a girlfriend. She's a hottie, fun, outgoing, hardcore runner, fit, into being/staying fit, educated, nice head on shoulders, we like and like to do many similar things, and on top of that, we got along very well. BUT she has a bf. She just got out an engagement earlier this year, after being with him for 7 years (I didn't pry on why) and from what I've gathered, this BF isn't long term. Maybe it's a rebound thing, I don't know.

Of course, I didn't get her number. Part of it is my game (or lack there of), or that she has a BF, or worry what my friend would think of me hitting on her when I know she has a BF. Anyway, my point is that I didn't get it Friday night. So Saturday, I found her on Myspace, and really contemplated if I should ask for her number then. Thought about it long and hard, discussing w my friends, and decided that I better put myself out there and see what happens. As of now, (monday morning) she hasn't checked.

I haven't like anyone like this since.. probably when my ex and I got together. and the fact that she can't be had (as of now) is literally sickening me. I've lost my appetite, can't sleep, and just kind of in a daze since Saturday morning. My mind is really F-ing me up, just going wild. Thinking about her and I together, as if the thought of hitting the lottery and thinking about things you would do with the money. It's driving me crazy. I tried to keep myself busy, but it only works for so long.

Tuesday 9/9/08

BC came over last night, It was a pretty good session. I made her cum 3 times, which has to be some kind of record.. lol.. I'm proud of myself for that.

she told me she missed me.. and she did hold my hand while she was giving me a blowjob. It kind of threw me off while it happened, but I just went with it. I like how things are now between her and I and these little things are kind of leaning towards the relationship direction, which I'm ehh.. about. I'm sure I'm making it a bigger deal than it is, but it's just kind of concerning to me.

Friday 9/5/08

K2 and I kind of have been texting back and forth throughout the week and I was getting the feeling that she was down to fuck, so I was trying to get a time in to see her at lunch. I was telling my friend S about this, and he suggested that I invite her over and actually hangout with her. that wasn't my plan, I didn't want to hangout with her, I would rather see her at lunch and get it over with. He said that it would be good practice for when I hangout with a girl that I really liked, plus it would get me out of my comfort zone. which does make sense. So I called her up and see if she wanted to hangout Friday.

So K2 comes over, I made her dinner, sat around and watch TV, then we watched a movie, started to fool around, then we fucked. It's a good alternative than BC, definitely not as freaky as BC. We finished the movie, then she had to go because she's got to work early tomorrow. lol.. it works out good because it would have been overwhelming if she stayed over.

Definitely a good learning experience.

Wednesday 9/3/08

Gave M4 a call Monday, left a VM, no call back. Called again last night, didn't pick up, didn't leave a VM.. ugh.. deleted her number.

Saturday 8/30/08

Went out to Bar/Club2 for my buddy L's birthday, him and couple of his other friends went along. Nothing too exciting, but did meet one of his friend's friend, M4, Tall, blond/brunette, I like her, I would date her, got her number at the end of the night.