Friday 9/12/08

I'm heartbroken. This whole weekend I have not been able to stop thinking about her. Dreamt about her last night. I feel the same anxiety as when I went through my divorce. Have not been able to sleep and eat, my mind a little out of it, can't focus. Her name is B, she is best friends with my friend J. I saw B for the first time a couple of months back, but I did not talk to her, she was hot, seemed a little snobby plus she was with her boyfriend, and that was that. On Friday, J said her B are going out for girls night out, and asked if me and my friend Q wanted to go, wasn't thinking about going, but ended up going.

She is about everything I'm looking for in a girlfriend. She's a hottie, fun, outgoing, hardcore runner, fit, into being/staying fit, educated, nice head on shoulders, we like and like to do many similar things, and on top of that, we got along very well. BUT she has a bf. She just got out an engagement earlier this year, after being with him for 7 years (I didn't pry on why) and from what I've gathered, this BF isn't long term. Maybe it's a rebound thing, I don't know.

Of course, I didn't get her number. Part of it is my game (or lack there of), or that she has a BF, or worry what my friend would think of me hitting on her when I know she has a BF. Anyway, my point is that I didn't get it Friday night. So Saturday, I found her on Myspace, and really contemplated if I should ask for her number then. Thought about it long and hard, discussing w my friends, and decided that I better put myself out there and see what happens. As of now, (monday morning) she hasn't checked.

I haven't like anyone like this since.. probably when my ex and I got together. and the fact that she can't be had (as of now) is literally sickening me. I've lost my appetite, can't sleep, and just kind of in a daze since Saturday morning. My mind is really F-ing me up, just going wild. Thinking about her and I together, as if the thought of hitting the lottery and thinking about things you would do with the money. It's driving me crazy. I tried to keep myself busy, but it only works for so long.